i hate april

This post is about nothing substantive other than the fact that I hate the month of April and am very glad that today is the last day of it. But hey, this is my blog, and if I want to rant, this is my place to do it. Lately Robert Horvat has been teasing me about “the Curse of April,” so I thought it would make a fun, fluffy, frivolous blog post about it.

For some reason April has always been an unlucky month for me. For as long as I can remember bad things have been happening in April. There have been deaths in the family in April, most recently (2010) my grandmother; although my best friend did not die in April, it was April 20, the anniversary of Hitler’s birthday (itself a reason to hate the month), on which I found out about it. April is, of course, the month in which taxes are due in the US, so it is also the month in which my accountant, years ago, called to tell me there had been an error in my accounts and I owed an unexpectedly gigantic tax bill–and thus April is the month in which I wrote the largest check I’ve ever written in my life, and which largely ended the solo business I was engaged in at that time.

In addition to major disasters, most of the really “bad days” of my life that I remember seem to have occurred in April. I used to practice law at a business law firm that was heavily invested in tech clients, and the the day the NASDAQ crashed and ended the dot-com bubble–April 14, 2000–was a very bad day at my work. That day was made worse after I got home and was yelled at by a security guard at my apartment complex for turning on my barbecue grill, which the guard (who was new on the job) did not know was permitted by the rules. In college or perhaps law school I remember crushing my hand in a stapler; that was in April. Little things like that, things that gnaw at you. Maybe I noticed those things more because they happened in April, and they might not have stuck in my mind if they happened some other time.


Don’t even get me started on the bad things that have happened in April throughout history. The sinking of the Titanic (1912) and the assassination of Lincoln (1865) are Exhibits A and B in that category, but add to them the assassination of Martin Luther King (1968), the failed attempt to rescue the U.S. hostages in Iran (1980), the Waco siege (1993), the Oklahoma City bombing (1995), the Columbine (1999) and Virginia Tech (2007) gun massacres–the list is endless. Of course, you could take any month of the calendar and list a litany of horrible things that happened during it, but April’s historical crimes seem particularly heinous.

April is when spring gets going in earnest. That sounds like a good thing, unless you have hay fever. April starts out fine but by the end of it your eyes are an itchy mess.

Begone, April. Grace us not with your fulsome presence until next year, and if you can take next year off, it’d really be appreciated. Hey, only a few more hours to go until May!